Some people in my friend group have begun experimenting with polyamory (non-monogamy sexual relationships) and recommended The Ethical Slut as a good introduction to understand some of the why’s and hows of polyamory. It was a bit skeptical going in, but it’s been a life changing book that has opened up a lot of thought about communication, love, relationships (both poly and monogamous), and sex. I highly recommend reading it, no matter where you are in life.

• Psychologisch Wilhelm Reich theorized that the suppress of sexuality was essential to an authoritarian government. Without the imposition of antisexual morality, he believed, people would be free from shame and would trust their own sense of right and wrong. they would be unlikely to march to war against their wishes, or to operate death camps perhaps if we were raised without shame and guilt about our desires, we might be freer people in more ways than simply the sexual.
• We measure the ethics of good sluts not by the number of their partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat them.
• Unexamined assumptions:
  1. Long-term monogamous relationships are the only real relatioships
  2. Romantic love is the only real love
  3. Sexual desire is a destructive force
  4. Loving someone makes it ok to control their behavior
  5. Jealousy is inevitable and impossible to overcome
  6. Outside involvements reduce the intimacy in the primary relationship
  7. Love conquers all
• We do not allow our sexual choices to have an unnecessary impact on those who have not connected to participate. We are respectful of other’s feelings, and when war are sure how someone feels, we ask.
• Communities based on sex and intimacy work best when everybody has respect for everybody’s relationships, which includes not only lovers but also children and families of origin and neighbors and exes and so on. Such communities can evolve into highly connected family systems when everyone is conscious of and caring about boundaries.
• “We are with each other, every day, because we really want to be. Our choices are real.”
• Anger can help us feel powerful when we use it to push vulnerable feelings away, but it won’t actually make us stronger or safer.
• The real test of love is not loving someone’s beauty and strength and virtue. The real test of love is when someone sees our wakens, our stupidities, and our smallness and still loves us. This unconditional love is what we want from our lovers, and we should expect no less from ourselves.
• Experiencing painful feelings is not a moral issue – it is in no way “wrong” to feel what you feel and to want what you want. Only actions can be crimes. Emotions are an expression of our emotional truth, and truth cannot be wrong. nor do they need to be justified. they just need to be felt.
• There is no rule that will protect us from our own emotions
• people often approach a disagreement as if it were urgent that it be resolved right away. they strive for a resolution within minutes of discovering that they don’t agree on something – something that they have in fact never agreed on.
• Fairness does not mean perfect equality. fairness means we care about how each person feels and make agreements to help all of us feel as good as possible.
• … You may choose monogamy, or you may try a more open relationship… but whatever you do, it will be because you’re looking at all your possibilities and choosing. not reacting blind, not doing what you’ve been told, not choosing the easy way just because it’s easy, but making your own, informed, heartfelt choice. we truly believe that consensual monogamy is a fine choice.
• you won’t get comfortable with any of this by castigating yourself for not being comfortable already.
• if you know that you’re a person who tends to slide into coupledom, we suggest spending some serious time trying to figure out why you’ve fallen into this pattern and why you have to get out of being part of a couple. it’s a very good idea for everyone to learn to live single – to figure out how to get your needs met without being partnered, so you don’t find yourself seeking a partner to fill needs that you ought to fill yourself.
• Marriage, as it now stand, is the inevitable outcome of government imposing its standards on personal relationships, legislating a one-size-fits-all prescription detailing how people in sexual or domestic relationships ought to run their lives.
• It is always tempting to respond to a major relationship conflict by assigning blame. In childhood we learn that pain, in the form of punishment from our all-powerful parents, is the consequence of doing something wrong. So when we hurt, we try to make sense of it by finding somebody doing something wrong, preferably somebody else.
• Breaking up
  • we implore you to remember that your soon-to-be-ex-partner is still the same terrific person you used to love
  • a relationship with an ex is real security, a friendship with someone who has seen you at your  utter worst. when we know someone with their complete complement of flaws and failings – as we do our exes – we have the foundation of a truly intimate and important relationship that can continue to change, grow, and provide support for many years to come.
• Sex
  • The “tyranny of hydraulics”: When sex becomes goal oriented, we may race to orgasm with such single-minded focus that we never even notice all the lovely sensations that come before (and, for that matter, after)
  • many of us were taught that it is natural for men to be sexually aggressive and for women to be passive responders.